Nicole in D.C.

Riding the metro in the morning is one of the most somber experiences I’ve had. No one makes eye contact, no one smiles, no one talks. You don’t want to be that guy who has the sniffles because the few people who are awake, will look up from their books or newspapers to give you a dirty look. Other times of the day, some passengers seem to think there are no rules applicable to them.

If there’s one thing I hate more than anything, it’s people who willfully break the unspoken rules of general politeness. I’m not a always stickler for rules (unless it involves board games) and have a lot of different parts of my style and personality that contradict each other (i.e. having a ton of tattoos while also owning practically the entire Ann Taylor Loft collection), but there are certain ways you must behave in public, especially if there are others around.

I never seem to have an exceptionally good or bad metro experience; they all seem to be equally infuriating. I’m not one of those people who is an impatient traveler and commuter, so it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers. It seems like every trip I take on metro I get put in the direct path of the few types of people that really get my blood boiling.

So, here are the four worst metro passengers I come across every day:

• Parents with strollers: I’m not a horrible person; I understand that you need to bring your kid on the metro. I will probably do the same. But let me ask you a question: would you bring your double-wide stroller on the escalator at the mall? No, you’d take an elevator. Why can’t mall-etiquette/safety be applied to the metro? Not only is it frustrating for the people who like to walk up or down the escalator, but it’s extremely dangerous.

  I once watched a woman pushing an empty stroller on the escalator while holding her very young baby in her arms. After two steps, the escalator jolted slightly causing the stroller and the woman (who was still holding the baby) to fall backwards. People behind her fell like dominoes and the escalator jammed. This is still the worst, and most terrifying experience I’ve had on the metro.

• The Seat Hoarder: I loathe anyone who thinks their bag deserves a seat more than my tiny self. I also think it’s pretty selfish to sit so you’re purposefully taking up just the teeniest amount (so it looks like you’re not purposefully doing it) of the seat next to you so someone won’t sit there. Look, I get it. I don’t want to sit next to you either, but as my dad reminded me so frequently when I was sick in high school, you have to do a lot of things in life you don’t like.
• Tall People (yes, all of you, I’m sorry): It’s not that I have anything against tall people, they just can’t understand the plight of the short person on public transportation. You really shouldn’t lean against the entire vertical rail just because you can. There may be people, like me, that would appreciate being able to hold on to the vertical rail because we can’t reach the ones more than a foot above our heads.
• The Important Guy: This is the guy who thinks he’s more important than everyone else on the train either because he’s wearing an expensive suit, has a lot of messages to check on his BlackBerry, or has a messenger bag with a defense contracting company’s logo on it. Everyone in DC is important (or at least they think they are) and has somewhere to be, you’re not the only one on this halted 8 car train that’s annoyed. Take a cab.