Character flaws.

I love movies. I love watching and rewatching them and picking them apart with friends. I always loved movies growing up and occasionally shifted my movie-watching habits from teen comedies to horror films to thrillers. In college, despite being at a school known for politics and business, I majored in American Studies (a glorified term for “create-your-own-major”) and took classes on culture, movies and music, and electronic media. I began looking at film as a piece of literature and with a more critical lens. Additionally, I wound up surrounding myself with film students and even dated a filmmaker for three years expanding my movie tastes to include independent and art films. (I still have an appreciate for all film, especially The Lizzie McGuire Movie which I own.)

I love the characters in these films. I love how a well-written character can make you recognize their flaws, yet fall in love with them in spite of it. I’m not a fan of the kind of movie that has perfect characters in perfect lives and everything goes perfect for them for 90 minutes. Then! For a whopping 15 minutes, everything seems like it’s in disarray and that the guy might not get the girl… only to fall madly in love in the last 5 minutes. I don’t like those stories, I can’t relate to those characters.

One of my favorite characters is Ryan Bingham from Up in the Air. I love Ryan for many reasons, but mostly because he isn’t perfect. He spends his life surrounded by people only to find himself constantly alone and incapable of forging quality relationships with people.

As you watch Ryan make these decisions that eventually drive him to the point of rebellion against his own actions, you begin to analyze things he does and relate them to your life.

I fall hard. And fast. Jobs, boys, projects, friends — when I find something or someone I like, I have this undeniable craving to wrap myself up in it or them. This habit of mine has led to incredibly great things, incredibly bad things, and soul crushing things. I kind of always assumed this was something people did if they’re interested in something. Over the past few years, I’ve learned I’m very wrong about this. Not everyone wants to, or is capable of diving in head first into a new endeavor. There’s nothing wrong with that — I just don’t operate that way. I have passion and drive and I try to put that into everything I do, if I’m interested.

I lack focus. When you’re constantly thinking, self-analyzing, and brainstorming, this is a serious problem. Instead of sitting down and mapping out the idea I have, I let it get carried away and lose sight of the original idea. I’m not sure if this is a side effect of my current career, growing up with MTV, or my general disinterest in just about everything, but I have a serious issue focusing on important tasks at hand. Give me a movie to watch or an entire album’s worth of lyrics to remember and I can do it. Give me a blogging project? Eh.

I often lack follow-through. Case in point: this blogging project. I’m two days behind and it’s only the third day! I have a lot of ideas, some are good, and a few are even great. However, I rarely put in the effort to follow through. Last night, I bought the short book The Dip by Seth Godin. The book is about quitting, picking and choosing the right times and situations under which you should or shouldn’t quit. The first story focuses on the best Supreme Court associate in the U.S. While she may not look like a quitter on the outset because she’s the absolute best at this one position, she had to quit a lot of other things along the way. This really resonated with me because of my habit to quit or give up before something can realize its full potential.

In a weird way, I feel like these character flaws are important to examine at this phase in my life. I’m embarking on a big journey: starting a nonprofit.

The potential return of personal and professional fulfillment on this project is off the charts. I’ve been searching for something that utilizes my skills and interests in writing, research, outreach, education, community organizing, and personal development for the longest time. Now that I’ve found it, I need to take advantage of my ability to fall hard for something, yet make sure I stay focused and follow through.

Until now, I’ve (like Ryan) completely embraced my character flaws. Now’s the time to turn around, run after I want. Maybe I’ll discover the dream is a myth, but maybe I’ll get the greatest payoff I could ever ask for: a feeling of purpose.